External Implosion
by Flipspring
Summary: I'm sorry, Deidara. I'm the one to blame. DeiKuro


**Summary**: I'm sorry, Deidara. I am the one to blame. DeiKuro.  
><strong>Note<strong>: I asked the mighty _Chocolate Pencil_ for a suggestion on a couple characters to write about. She requested a DeiKuro, and though my romance writing skills are sub-par (to put it mildly), I thought I might as well give it a try. Besides, when I pulled three words (fire, justice, loom) out of a random word generator, it was like they were just meant to be, so I had to go ahead and write this. And I must say, I quite enjoyed writing it.  
>Please excuse the excessive use of parentheses. But I like them, so there.<br>**Warnings**: Language  
><strong>Pairings<strong>: Slight DeiKuro  
><strong>Characters<strong>: Deidara, Kurotsuchi

**I own nothing of Naruto, including but not limited to the characters of the Narutoverse.**

* * *

><p>Kurotsuchi blames herself for many things (<em>I'm sorry. I'm so, so, sorry...<em>), and it's a funny thing that most of her regrets are tied to a certain reckless bomber (_His name is __Deidara. Why beat around the bush?_). Right now, as she stands on the very edge of a cliff by the Village (_It's OUR Village!_), on her very tips of her toes, her arms slightly lifted from her sides as though she's ready to take flight into the air (_I'm just making sure the civilians don't fall. That's all._), watching the demonic, reddish light of her burning Village flicker within the crumbling buildings and around the rivers that pass through the Village (_I'M SORRY!_), she feels the greatest blame of her life fall upon her heart.

There's no clamor from her fellow citizens around her, but rather a shocked, awed sort of silence (_It's not awe. It's anger._). The smoke clears on the cold night wind, showing the full extent of the fire's glow and destruction (_Is this the art you spoke of? Deidara, this "beauty" is all the beauty of pain. You call this justice?_). All at once, there's a boom of air, and another, and another (_Wingbeats?_), and a huge black shadow rockets past the lip of the cliff (_Is that you?_), an enormous bird emerges, pauses for a small eternity between wingbeats with its shadowy beak so close to Kurotsuchi's face that she could reach out and touch it. But it's not the bird she's looking at.

It's the rider. (_Deidara._)

In the faint white moonlight from above and the faint red firelight from below, Deidara looms over her, his hair splayed across the sky as it starts floating down again (_The next downbeat should be any second now._), one clenched fist raising something high into the air (_That's not a bomb; it can't be a bomb. He can't throw that at me!_), his other arm spread wide, fingers splayed, as though he can gain a little extra balance with his open stance (_Oh gods, this is all my fault._).

They pause for a small eternity...

(_There's a moment where we stare at each other, directly into each other's faces, and I can't see his expression because it's too damn dark out here. What can I say to him? There's nothing I can say. It's much to late. It's much, much too late to say everything I should have said while I had the chance. I think I open my mouth, and scream at him, scream just his name and gods, I sound so angry and hurt and desperate it makes me sick._)

... And the bird pumps its wings down so hard that it's only Kurotsuchi's chakra sticking her feet to the cliff that saves her from falling to her death.

She sees his silhouette against the moon (_This is the last time I'm ever going to see you. I know. Please, no._) as he speeds away on his bird, leaving one last fiery explosion suspended in the air (_That fireball just barely missed me._) for another small eternity to remember him by (_And __I told you that's not art. I'm sorry. I'm so, so sorry._).

* * *

><p>He'd come running to Kurotsuchi just two days ago (<em>His eyes were shining like stars. I don't care how cliché that is.<em>), clutching a scroll in one hand and a clay bird in the other.

"Kurotsuchi!"

She turned around.

"What is it, Deidara-nii?" And she smiled, and he smiled back (_I wish I'd gotten to see more of those smiles._).

"Take a look at this, yeah! I've perfected my art!" Kurotsuchi recalled Deidara's bloodline limit that allowed him to blow up whatever pleased him. She nearly rolled her eyes (_Deidara, blowing shit up isn't art, you know. How many times do how many people have to tell you that?_), but there had always been something about Deidara that made her want to pay attention to him, no matter how stupid he acted or how much her grandfather berated him after a certain line-crossing stunt.

He threw the bird high into the air (_His _e_yes were shining._) and made a sign with one hand.

The bird exploded in a blinding ball of smoky fire (_I'm going to slug him for deafening me. But look at him laugh._).

It was all good-natured arm-punching and name-calling between them (_Just being with you like this is all I want._) until Deidara leaned in (_His eyes were shining._) and told her that he'd stolen the scroll from the restricted files of the Tsuchikage's tower. Her eyebrows popped and her mouth fell open (_You've got to be kidding, Deidara. A forbidden jutsu? What do you mean this "art" of yours is worth it? Just what the hell do you mean?_) as her brain froze up and Deidara leaned back and smirked expectantly for her admiring excitement (_How could you, Deidara?_). Just as Deidara's smirk began to slip off his face, Kurotsuchi acted in a way she'd later regret (_What if it had been different? What if I somehow understood you?_).

"You can't do that, Deidara," she hissed, glancing around furtively, "Do you have any idea what you've just _done_? You can't go stealing jutsu from our Village!"

His whole face frowned. He spat, "I thought _you'd_ understand me!" And he turned and stormed away from her (_He turned and stormed away from me. Forever._).

(_I didn't cry or anything. I stormed the hell away._)

* * *

><p>A long time ago, the two of them got in trouble (<em>Alright, it was fun, I admit it.<em>) when Deidara "accidentally" blew a desk-sized hole in the side of the Academy and they pushed their desks out the hole and let them fall three stories to the rocky ground (_The huge crash as they hit the stone was satisfying. And his eyes were shining so bright._). The two of them were suspended for a week, and the Tsuchikage would have something to say to Kurotsuchi when she got home (_Come on, Gramps. It was all in good fun._), but as they walked home, exchanging good-natured punches, Deidara started talking about something that Kurotsuchi didn't really understand (_And I wish I did. If only I had, then maybe... Gods, this is all my fault._).

"Now _that_ was art, yeah!" He exclaimed as the turned the corner on the market street and stopped to peer into the window of the weapons shop (_I watched him look at the clay_.). She must've had a confused look on her face because when he turned to look at her, he sighed, shook his head, and crossed his skinny arms over his skinny chest (_We were both skinny. We were young, after all._) and settled into his lecture pose.

He rolled each word off his tongue as though savoring stolen sweets, "Art is an explosion, Kurotsuchi. It's beauty that goes away almost as soon as it's born, yeah, but it leaves such an impression while it lasts, that anyone who sees it is filled with awe! They'll remember it forever, yeah!"

Kurotsuchi nodded enthusiastically (_I wanted him to like me. I didn't really understand._) and she was relieved to see that Deidara was grinning at her as he leaned in close as though they shared some kind of astronomical secret (_If only, Deidara. If only._).

"I knew _you'd_ understand, yeah."

Without thinking about it (_I just wanted him to like me._) she matched his grin and said, "It's like fireworks right?"

And Deidara leaned back, still smiling, and nodded, "Exactly like fireworks, yeah."

(_But it wasn't exactly like fireworks. We just didn't know it._)

* * *

><p>After Deidara showed her the stolen scroll (<em>Why? How could you?<em>), and after they stormed away from each other, Kurotsuchi found herself sulking in her favorite tea shop, with a steaming mug of tea and a bitten rock mochi (_Deidara always insisted that it looked like compacted bird puke, which just shows how stupid he is; it's delicious._) in front of her.

Kurotsuchi liked to think that she always did what's right (_I always did what was right for our Village._) and that had never been a problem for her before. So maybe she liked pulling pranks with Deidara sometimes (_It was fun just to be with him._), but there was never any real permanent damage done. She pressed her tongue against the backs of her teeth until her jaw ached, and gripped the mug in front of her until it threatened to crack from the pressure. (_Why did you have to do this Deidara? How is a fireball art?_) Her conscience and her respect for Deidara kicked up a storm in her mind (_One thing's for sure; I wasn't going to forget that first fireball._).

She made up her mind (_I'm sorry. I'm so, so sorry Deidara._), and before she could change it, threw exact change on the table and left without finishing her snack.

* * *

><p>Several years after the Academy incident (<em>I should've recognized that for what it was.<em>), Deidara and Kurotsuchi snuck out of their houses late at night and met up on the iconic bridge that spanned across the halves of the Village Hidden in the Stone. The moon shone from behind the thin cloud cover (_It was a lovely night._) and the two young ninja grinned at each other in anticipation (_It was all my fault. I should've realized what was starting to happen to him. I should've done something_).

(_Something right__._)

They dumped their armloads of mining explosives (_You were going insane, Deidara._) on the bridge, and Kurotsuchi lit the pile with a simple fire technique.

And they ran from the bridge like hell. (_He was laughing at the top of his lungs._)

Just as they made it safely to the end of the bridge, a huge BOOM sounded (_He whirled around, eyes wide with excitement, grinning like a lunatic._) and a rush of scorching air knocked them flat on their fronts (_He yelled my name and told me to cover my head. Then he knocked me partway to the ground and the explosion did the rest._). Kurotsuchi felt like the very air itself were burning (_He had one arm pushing my face into the ground. It was suffocating._), and her hair flew in every wrong direction and she later swore that she'd gone bald for a moment.

Then the bridge creaked and groaned and they stayed lying there, frozen, for one extra moment...

(_And I was so, so scared Deidara, but I didn't want to say anything because I was so excited, too. We were doing something together that we wouldn't do with anyone else, and that made me feel special and I didn't want to ruin anything by being scared. But it was scary, Deidara. The explosion we made together was amazing, and beautiful, I guess, a little in the way that a lighting storm is beautiful, but I only ever liked to watch those from inside the safety of my house. I was rushed with adrenaline and dizzy with the excitement, but I was also horrified at what we'd done to the bridge. I wish I could've somehow explained it to you, Deidara, the destructive effect your "art" inevitably had. But could you understand that? I couldn't understand you._)

... And then the two got shakily to their feet and stared at the gaping hole in the bridge. (_You were grinning, Deidara, but I was so shocked I didn't know what to do._)

"We did it, Kurotsuchi!" he whooped, and he turned and grinned widely at her (_And I grinned back, didn't I? What else could I do? I thought it would be okay. I thought we could go on like that._).

And then there were the shouts of some villagers from below, so Deidara grabbed her hand (_I thought it would be okay. I'm sorry._) and pulled her away at a run.

* * *

><p>Kurotsuchi threw kunai after kunai into the practice target at their usual training ground, trying to get her mind off things (<em>I shouldn't have done what I did. I should've talked to you, instead.<em>), when she heard a resounding BOOM coming from the Village. Her mouth went dry (_This is all my fault._) and her stomach dropped past her toes.

She turned with agonizing slowness and raced back to her Village (_It's OUR Village! How could you?_). The sun was already setting and the little rock mochi (_It never did taste the same again._) she'd eaten weighed in her stomach like a solid granite boulder.

There was smoke pouring out from a gaping hole in the Tsuchikage's building (_I already knew what had happened, I was already starting to regret everything I'd done._) and Kurotsuchi made a beeline for it, cutting through every alley and backstreet on the way.

She turned a corner and collided with Deidara. (_I'm so, so sorry._)

They were both knocked over but were back on their feet in a flash. He lifted a kunai and was about to bring it down on her when he stopped (_It's me, Deidara!_) and he scowled a scowl more frightening than any painting of a demon (_I almost didn't recognize you just then. There was red blood and grey dust all over you, Deidara._).

"The old man tried to arrest me, yeah," he snarled, "He called it_ justice_, blah blah blah. I'll show them all _justice_, yeah! Nothing is coming between me and my art!"

(_I was so scared._)

He shoved one hand into a pouch at his hip, and when he withdrew it, she saw a mouth there (_A mouth! I nearly cried. What had you done to yourself?_) chewing away at the clay.

"Stop this, Deidara, please! I didn't mean for all this to happen! We can work it out!"

He completely froze. Even his hand froze mid-chew. Sirens and shouts sounded from all around them (_I should've talked it all out with you. I should've realized you were going insane. I should've kept my damn mouth shut._) and Deidara stared at her, wide-eyed and incredulous (_I'm sorry._).

"I can't believe you, Kurotsuchi," he said, softly, but his voice was rising, "I thought you, out of everyone in this damn world... I thought _you_ of all people! I always knew I could trust you!"

His eye furrowed. (_So did mine. I just kept making one mistake after another._) His voice dropped, again, deadly and quiet and sad.

"I guess I was wrong, yeah."

He threw a small bird into a sky, which exploded into something enormous (_I flinched. He noticed. His frown deepened._) and he leaped upwards and away. She stood there dumbly (_I brought a hand up to my eyes. I bit my lip so hard it very nearly bled._) as the explosions started up again, shaking the buildings and the ground around her.

* * *

><p>The villagers around her are yelling angrily after the silhouette, but Kurotsuchi doesn't hear them. She squints through the smoke and faint moonlight and tries in vain to see him, drag him back with the force of her gaze. But he's gone, and all she has left of him are her bitter, guilt-ridden memories.<p>

(_Why couldn't I ever really understand you, Deidara? If only I could, we wouldn't be in this mess. I regret everything, I really do, but I can't turn back the clock. Neither one of us can._ _If only you come back home and none of this had ever happened. __I failed you, Deidara. I just wanted to be happy, together. And I messed it all up. But I've never been a liar, and I always wanted to do what was right for our Village. Was this really the right thing to do? Look at all the destruction that we've caused._)

Firelight glows out of the windows of the crumbling stone buildings far below.

(_I guess we were never meant to be._)


End file.
